This is the second attempt to express my thoughts and feelings towards the notion of “following your dream”. It is the second attempt because it is a rather controversial topic for me and I am really bad at putting my incoherent thoughts into adequate writing.
I’ve never really thought about having a dream. And when I say “dream” I mean it in terms of figuring out your purpose, your identity, your true calling: something big enough in the scheme of your own life, but still something very attainable and realistic if you put your mind to it. For example, becoming a singer, the next Instagram sensation or the very first person who figured out iCloud. (I’m kidding obviously… nobody understands iCloud)
I didn’t even have a dream while being a kid. I didn’t want to become a ballerina, or go to space or marry a millionaire. Now, as I am older, you would think that I should be figuring it out. However, it only dawned on me (and by now you should know that I am rather slow with my epiphanies) a few months ago: I am AFRAID to dream. I am genuinely terrified of having and following a dream. I could never live in Los Angeles, because I don’t have a dream…
In some way, having and following a dream means wanting and striving to reach your full potential in whatever you like most. Having a dream means proclaiming that you are going to become someone better, taking your life into your hands, rejecting destiny and I will even go as far as saying that you are challenging God, the universe, or whatever you believe in. I may or may not be over-thinking this (as I normally do) but having a dream is being confident enough to bet on yourself and believe in your success.
In my head, a person with a dream is someone who has ambitions, who is hardworking and daring, who’s not afraid to take risks and deal with rejection. This may sound too far, but as I understand it, if you aren’t prepared to cut throats for your dream, you are not allowed to have one… Which is exactly why, I didn’t bother developing one. Add to that my compulsive desire to be liked and meet society’s expectations and you’ll get a person who is majorly confused in life, aka me.
It is not the hard work, nor the sacrifices, nor the blood, sweat and tears that terrify me by the way. All this comes after. It is rather the “proclaiming your dream to the universe, choosing one thing and sticking to it” that terrifies me the most actually… I am not ready to form a dream in my head, let alone cut throats for it.
The notion of having a dream is just so appealing and comforting though. It even sounds logical when you hear it at first: do you have a dream? Yes, of course I do! Am I not human? You just don’t see it in any other way. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can no longer say that my dream is to simply be “happy”. Yes, that is what I would normally say. And yet I understand that it is pretty much the time to start being realistic, I can’t help but wonder: wouldn’t it be just great if being happy was also considered a lifelong achievement?