Boy/girl texting 101?

I’ll spare you the whole “We are a broken generation of ADHD victims on Adderall with communication skills of a gold fish”. A prevailing part of modern communication is texting… or rather it is what communication is ALL about these days with the crazy kids that we are. Let’s just cut to the chase: I realized that I am a terrible texter when it comes to the opposite sex. This is why, I’ve embarked on a journey to figure this shit out. You’re welcome to join.

Is texting a simple means of communication or an art form, a cold-hearted strategy, a game you just can’t win at?  I’ve been doing research, and you know what? I’m tired and confused. First of all, thanks to Youtube, I now know that even the smartest people take part in the texting game in order to keep things interesting. No, scratch that! Actually, they are the smartest, BECAUSE they participate in it, even though it’s total bullshit in my opinion. They all understand that it’s immature and hypocritical, but in their words, this is the only way to win in the texting Olympics. Not to contradict anyone, but people… Hello!! Aren’t we adults? Aren’t we too old for the games? Aren’t we mature enough to communicate as we please, be it replying straight away or never?

I haven’t been a millennial my whole life. I’ve only recently learned how to use hash tags and I am definitely not one of those girls who have thousands of Instagram followers even though they’re 12 and post mostly semi-erotic selfies. (Which I am sure is illegal in some way or another) But back to texting! Even though I’ve started texting when I was at a confusing age of 14 or so, it still perplexes me just like the very first time I learned the word “emoticon”.

Naïve little ol’ me thought that if I acted mature and didn’t play the “wait at least 20 min before you text back” game, everything would be ok. I am a terrible liar, terrible actress, and consequently- a disgrace to the female community apparently. I reply fast enough to my ability, I am not afraid to text first and dammit, I like when guys use emoticons! There, it’s out there. Silly me thought that not-being a tease and not sending mixed signals would provoke honesty and appreciation from the receiver of my very open and honest texts. News flash: it does not work!

Upon all these realizations, I felt sad and disappointed in the human race once again. Not to sound like a goody-two-shoes, but I genuinely cannot say something I don’t believe in or pretend that I am someone I”m not. So for example, if someone I like texts me, I cannot wait for goddamn 20 minutes just to make it seem like my life is so interesting and eventful that I do not even have 2 seconds to reply! Like my crush haven’t texted me for months up until this point and I have to pretend that I’m scuba diving in the Atlantic ocean and my phone’s reception is bad??? Don’t get me wrong, I do have a life and it is fairly eventful, but let’s face it: most of us have our phones glued to our hands and anytime someone texts us- we spot it in 0.2 of a second or even quicker.

The texting game is just another social protocol everyone has to go through in order to be perceived normal and desirable even. And I get it, I truly do. It just makes me sad that being an honest person doesn’t seem to work nowadays.

I’ve gathered a small collection of videos from different texting gurus below. Strictly for your enjoyment. Btw, go and follow my girl, Amy-> the first video. She’s a brilliant and inspiring girl, who makes my day every time she posts a video.

Have an eventful week… full of texting? I dunno…

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This entry was posted in Dating, Humor, Humour, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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