You’re right, WordPress, a lot HAS happened, but I’ve really been struggling putting it into words.
WANTED! Inspiration! Dead or alive… Preferably, alive.
For the past two weeks I’ve been diligently making myself write. The key words here are MAKING MYSELF. When I created this blog, I set myself an overly optimistic goal to write every week. And I was genuinely trying to keep up the pace, but, obviously, I can’t force a good thought. I keep having bits and pieces of ideas, but I just can’t organize them in an adequate blog post. It is just so frustrating to be writing something and realizing that you are literally pulling words out of your ass. Which may or may not be the case right now…
You know what? Screw the format… here are the before mentioned bits and pieces of thoughts.
*When you start living in a new city, you get these rare moments of everything being new. Your lifestyle changes, you do certain things for the first time, your life is more or less chaotic and you constantly complain about the bureaucratic nonsense you have to go through as a foreigner… you think you want to settle down as soon as possible, but it’s a trap. As soon as you settle down, routine steps in and, in my case, routine brings depression along for the ride. Cherish the unknown, the chaotic, the new until it is no longer that way.
*I often reflect on my past experience, on how I’ve changed. I recently realized how much I’ve actually twisted and turned my personality for the people I am afraid to lose. We all wear masks to be likable but it’s crucial to stay true to your real self. At least when nobody’s watching…
*To my friend. Your birthday is in a week. Remember the times we celebrated almost everything together? We were the first people on our invite lists. At first we were a like, we were even mistaken for sisters. But with time, something changed and we gradually grew apart. You amazed me, sometimes even scared me. You were far ballsier than me, so you tried things I could only imagine trying. At times, I was actually worried for your life and my sanity. But, despite the troubles and the fact that we haven’t spoken in 5 years, you always brought joy into my life; you taught me how to shine and stand up for myself. And for that, I am forever grateful and I really miss you.
My brain hates me right now. Gonna go catch some z’s.
P.S. Here’s a picture of a blue-eyed kitty, which actually portrays my mood.
I appreciate you reading me. Sincerely. Good night*